We Do What We Do: The Radical Acceptance of Being Human

We are taught that healing means “fixing.” That if we dig deep enough, meditate hard enough, parent ourselves well enough, we’ll one day wake up without our triggers, wounds, or messy patterns.

But psychology and neuroscience both tell us otherwise: our patterns don’t vanish. They soften, they shift, they become integrated—but they don’t evaporate.

The Psychology of Patterns

Psychodynamic theory teaches that early wounds shape us. Attachment research shows how our early bonds imprint relational blueprints. These influences don’t disappear; they become part of our nervous system wiring. Behavioral science affirms that what’s repeated becomes ingrained. Neuroplasticity allows for change, yes, but not erasure.

The Radical Acceptance Move

So what if the goal isn’t to “stop being this way”?

What if the work is to say: We do what we do.

This isn’t resignation; it’s radical acceptance. When we can name:

• This is my pattern.

• This is one of my things.

• This is how my nervous system learned to survive.

…we take the weight off the shame story that says we are broken.

Why Compassion Changes Everything

Self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff writes that compassion regulates the nervous system, reducing stress responses and increasing resilience. In practice, this means that when we meet ourselves with kindness, even in our mess, we actually create the conditions for transformation. Spiritually, compassion is the path of unconditional love. When we love ourselves free, even the parts we dislike, we become softer, more expansive, more able to love others.

The Medicine

We do what we do. They do what they do. In that acceptance, the fight against our own humanity loosens. We become freer not by fixing ourselves into perfection, but by loving ourselves into wholeness.