The “I’m Too Busy” Lie: Why Busyness Is a Trauma Response (And What to Do Instead)
Let’s talk about the most accepted excuse we all carry:
“I’m too busy.”
It’s the best out. The ultimate reason to not do the thing.
To not prioritize what matters.
To not say the truer thing underneath.
And here’s the wild part: It’s not even a lie.
Why “I’m Too Busy” Is Also Totally True
We are too busy.
Look at our lives, especially inside capitalism, patriarchy, whiteness.
We’re navigating:
Never-ending to-do lists
The pressure to perform, succeed, and survive
Internalized messages about being better moms, partners, people
Systems that constantly reinforce the idea that we are not enough
There’s always something more:
More money to earn
More people to please
More deadlines to meet
More to prove
This is not just about poor scheduling or time management.
This is systemic.
The Culture of Urgency
We live inside a world programmed around urgency:
“Time is running out.”
“You’re falling behind.”
“You need to look younger, get better, fix yourself faster.”
This cultural programming keeps us in perpetual lack.
It feeds on our fear of not being good enough.
It trains us to always be reaching, improving, perfecting…
...but never arriving.
The Grief Underneath the Busyness
What we’re really avoiding when we say “I’m too busy” is often grief.
The grief of:
How much of our lives we’re missing
How little we’re truly present
How exhausted we are from trying to be everything to everyone
The terrifying possibility that we’ll never “get there” or be who we were told we should be
And under the grief?
Fear.
Fear that we’ll never become enough.
Fear that if we stop for even one second, everything will fall apart.
Fear that if we listen to ourselves, we won’t like what we hear.
Busyness as a Trauma Response
Let’s name it for what it is:
“I’m too busy” is not just a mindset. It’s a trauma response.
It’s a:
Flee response: stay in motion so you don’t have to feel
Fight response: work harder to gain control
Fawn response: meet everyone else’s needs to stay safe
Freeze response: collapse under the weight of it all and still pretend to function
This isn’t a personal failing.
This is what we’ve been trained to do—to override ourselves just to survive.
So What’s the Alternative?
Not more pressure.
Not more perfection.
Not more “you shoulds.”
The alternative is devotion.
Pressure is how the system keeps you small.
Devotion is how you come back to your truth.
Devotion asks:
What do I want to turn toward?
Where do I long to feel more alive?
What needs tending—not fixing, but care?
Devotion is not a to-do list item.
It’s a way of being with your own life.
Where to Begin
This isn’t about forcing yourself to “make time.”
It’s about making different choices, with honesty, curiosity, and compassion.
Start by asking:
Where am I saying “I’m too busy” to things I actually want?
Who am I trying to prove something to?
What am I afraid I’ll feel if I slow down?
Then begin to:
Delegate where you can
Ask for support (and notice who responds)
Tend to your body like she matters
Choose one small act of devotion each day
Final Words
You’re not too busy because you’re broken.
You’re too busy because the world was built that way.
But that doesn’t mean you have to stay trapped in the loop.
You get to choose:
Devotion over disconnection
Presence over performance
Rhythm over urgency
Return over perfection
You are not a productivity machine.
You are a sacred being.
And your life is waiting to be lived—by you.